Personal Growth

Is Agency Contagious

Content from Personal Growth

Is Agency Contagious? The Social Dynamics of High Agency

High-Level Topics

  • How agency spreads through social networks
  • Leading by example vs. preaching
  • The responsibility of high-agency people
  • Creating environments that encourage agency in others
  • When agency erodes agency (the paradox)

Article Ideas

  • “You can’t give someone agency, but you can infect them with it”
  • The ripple effect of one person taking action
  • Why showing beats telling every time
  • The invisible influence of high-agency people
  • Can you force someone to have agency? (Spoiler: No)

Brief Outline

Introduction

  • You start going to the gym; your roommate joins you two weeks later
  • You quit drinking; suddenly three friends are “cutting back”
  • You start a side business; your coworkers start talking about their ideas
  • Agency spreads, but not the way you’d expect
  • The question: Can one person’s agency inspire or erode others?

Part 1: The Social Proof Mechanism

  • Humans are mimetic: We copy what we see, not what we’re told
  • Social proof: “If they’re doing it, maybe I can too”
  • Permission by example: Your action gives others implicit permission
  • Why this works:
    • Reduces perceived risk (“They survived doing it”)
    • Makes the invisible visible (“I didn’t know that was an option”)
    • Provides a template (“Here’s what taking action looks like”)
  • Historical examples:
    • Rosa Parks and the Montgomery Bus Boycott
    • The first person to stand up in a movement
    • Four-minute mile: Once Roger Bannister did it, many others followed

Part 2: Leading by Example vs. Preaching

  • Preaching: “You should do X” - often creates resistance
  • Example: Doing X yourself - often creates curiosity
  • Why example works better:
    • No one likes being told what to do
    • Actions are proof; words are just opinions
    • People trust what you do more than what you say
  • The trap of preaching:
    • “You need to set boundaries!” while you have none
    • “You should start a business!” while you’re still employed
    • Advice without skin in the game rings hollow
  • The principle: Be the change you want to see in your social circle

Part 3: The Visibility Factor

  • Agency spreads when it’s visible
  • Visible agency: Asking for a discount in front of friends, starting a business publicly, setting boundaries others witness
  • Invisible agency: Private decisions, internal changes, solo pursuits
  • Both matter, but only visible agency is contagious
  • The mechanism: Others see you do it → They realize it’s possible → They try it themselves
  • Making your agency visible:
    • Talk about what you’re building
    • Share the process, not just outcomes
    • Be honest about challenges (makes it relatable)
    • Invite others along (not as a requirement, as an option)

Part 4: The Narrative Effect

  • Stories are how agency spreads across time and distance
  • You hear about someone who:
    • Quit their job and traveled the world
    • Started a company in their garage
    • Went back to school at 40
    • Left a toxic relationship
  • The story plants a seed: “If they could, maybe I could”
  • Why stories work:
    • They expand your sense of what’s possible
    • They provide a roadmap (even if rough)
    • They normalize unconventional choices
  • Your story is data for others’ decision-making

Part 5: The Permission Paradox

  • “Cursed. We can’t force them to have agency, because that would completely destroy the point of agency”
  • You can’t make someone be agentic
  • Pushing too hard creates reactance (they resist to maintain autonomy)
  • The paradox: To help someone gain agency, you have to let them choose
  • What you can do:
    • Model it
    • Remove barriers
    • Offer support (not pressure)
    • Create environments where agency is encouraged
  • What you can’t do:
    • Force them to act
    • Make their decisions for them
    • Shame them into changing

Part 6: Creating High-Agency Environments

  • Agency flourishes in certain conditions:
    • Psychological safety: Mistakes won’t be punished harshly
    • Autonomy: People have genuine choice
    • Modeling: Leaders demonstrate agency themselves
    • Resources: Information and tools are accessible
    • Encouragement: Agency is celebrated, not suppressed
  • Environments that kill agency:
    • Authoritarian structures (do what you’re told)
    • Punitive consequences for initiative
    • Gatekeeping of information or resources
    • Social pressure to conform
  • If you’re a leader, manager, parent, or teacher:
    • Give people problems, not solutions
    • Ask “What do you think you should do?” instead of telling them
    • Celebrate attempts, not just successes
    • Let them fail safely

Part 7: The Responsibility of High-Agency People

  • With agency comes visibility
  • Others are watching what you do
  • Your choices ripple outward
  • The responsibility:
    • Be honest about the costs (not just the benefits)
    • Don’t gatekeep or credentialize (agency doesn’t require permission)
    • Support others when they reach out
    • Don’t shame people for being where you used to be
  • The trap: “I did it, so everyone should be able to”
    • Ignores context, privilege, resources, circumstances
    • Creates shame instead of inspiration
    • Be honest about what helped you

Part 8: When Agency Erodes Agency

  • The dark side: Sometimes high-agency people suppress others
  • How it happens:
    • Taking over instead of empowering
    • Solving everyone’s problems for them
    • Creating dependencies (“I’ll handle it”)
    • Not leaving space for others to step up
  • High-agency parents who don’t let kids make decisions
  • High-agency leaders who micromanage
  • High-agency partners who take over all planning
  • The balance: Use your agency to create space for others’ agency

Part 9: Measuring the Spread

  • How do you know if your agency is contagious?
  • Signs:
    • People ask you how you did X
    • Friends start taking similar actions
    • Others cite you as inspiration (even small things)
    • Your social circle’s average agency increases
  • Not the goal: Everyone copying you exactly
  • The goal: Everyone finding their own expression of agency
  • Success isn’t uniformity; it’s each person living more intentionally

Conclusion

  • Agency is contagious, but only through example, not preaching
  • Your actions give others permission to try
  • You can’t force anyone to have agency - that’s the whole point
  • What you can do: Model it, share your process, create safe environments
  • Be visible in your agency; stories spread further than you think
  • High-agency people have a responsibility to lift others, not just themselves
  • The ripple effect is real: One person’s agency can change a family, a friend group, a workplace
  • Be the first one to act - others will follow when they’re ready